Saturday, April 23, 2011

UNmotivated

It's funny, for the past few years I've dreamed and wished I had a horse to ride while Whiskey was out being lame. With Roxy being in the barn, I've discovered I'm singularly unmotivated to make the time to go ride her. Have I simply gotten out of the habit? I'm not sure. There was a time in my life when I ate, slept, breathed horse. I rode with broken bones and torn muscles. Nothing could stop me from getting in my daily ride.

So what's the deal with now? It's not that I'm scared of her, I've already proven I can ride her and anything she'll toss my way. Don't mistake lack of fear with trust - you'd be six shades of stupid to trust a three year old! And perhaps that's it. Perhaps I can't be bothered because I don't want to put the effort into thinking every moment I'm on the horse. Once upon a time I loved that. Loved taking a horse that had been started and finishing them off. I loved taking that rough gem and turning it into something anyone would be proud to ride.

I'm not sure. One thing I do know is that I've been more unmotivated to ride the last month than I ever have in my lifetime. Let's be honest. If I really, truly wanted to be riding I would be. Clearly I don't. Even knowing that I need to ride before she goes to be shown off on Monday isn't moving me towards the barn. I keep telling myself, tomorrow, tomorrow I'll go out. Well, tomorrow is today and I've yet to go out. Sigh.

It makes me wonder, is my love affair with horses over? Gone stale, past it's due date?

1 comment:

The Canadian said...

I love your honesty with yourself!