Saturday, July 30, 2011

Guilt Postponed

As the days fly past I've been feeling increasingly guilty over my decision to take Tessa in for her big goodbye.  In fact, almost immediately after I made the appointment she went on a six day run of not only good but great days.  I started to second guess myself.  And then, as with all highs, the crash came.  It was ugly.

After enjoying a happy, playful, singing Tessa, who seemed to have all her cookies on her plate, I've had two long days of one brick shy of a load Tessa.  She has been clingy, confused and worried.  This morning she came with me on my run (30 minutes), but I truly don't think she wanted to.  What she wanted was to be near me.  She kept going up random driveways.  Crossing the road like a drunk.  When I'm not sure how she's doing I split my run.  I run half in one direction with my driveway as the midpoint, and run the other half the opposite way.  That way if she doesn't want to continue she can stop at the house.  This strategy seems to work.  Except today she didn't seem to recognize that this was her driveway and house.

Even when I turned in she remained at the bottom of the driveway.  It took her a good five minutes to make her way to the house.  (I was enroute to help her.)  Because she's been wanting to touch me today, I decided to take her with me to the stable.  It was heartwarming to see how happy this made her.  For a moment she was like a puppy again.  Complete with trying to chase the horse I was riding...

Tonight I'll give her a big snuggle.  I've found if I put a towel down then when she leaks it's so much easier to clean up and she still gets her human time.  And hope for a better day tomorrow.

1 comment:

MTWaggin said...

Oh dear, you'll see her have good days and bad and you'll know when she's had enough - they seem to tell us if we are paying attention. Feeling for you - I'm in the same boat with Tara.