Monday, March 7, 2011

Tessa

One of my friends passed on some advice she had once received. She said "We give them a life with dignity, and the least we can do is a death with dignity." This struck a chord with me and gave me some peace. Last Thursday was an awful day - start to finish. I don't have the words to explain the look on my dog's face. The best I can do is it was like a fearful dog as a thunderstorm moves in to the area. Spooked, irrational and wild.

While the days that followed gave me a somewhat normal Tess, I am still haunted by the crazy Tess. Thursday caused me to fully and completely melt down. It was the moment where I understood that we were at the beginning of a downhill run. And I'm not ready for it. But I can't stop the inevitable. And that hurts my soul. If I were honest, I could tell you when she started peeing I knew in my heart that it wasn't good. But I was a bit delusional and quite convinced that I could fight this. There are so many options available that this really wasn't a big deal.

It appears I was wrong.

On Saturday, not feeling well, I curled up in my bed with Tessa securely nestled into the nook of my body. She felt shockingly fragile and I knew. I knew that today wasn't the right time for her to leave me, but that time was coming soon. I decided when her bad days out number her good days that I would do what is right and fair for her. I won't make her suffer confusion and upset because I'm too weak to let her go.

She has been my loyal friend, companion and worker through good times and bad. The least I can do is be her loyal friend, companion and worker through her good times and bad.

3 comments:

The Canadian said...

.....amen!

Chelsi said...

Aww... my heart goes out to you... what a good friend you are to your animals. I wanted to come back and leave you a comment on your earlier post but I couldnt find the right words and I am glad I didnt because you said you them here today. My only advice is that you error on the side of letting her go a day too soon instead of a day too late. My Mom waited just one day too long to let go of her Roxy and that made it so much harder to come to peace with in the end as her last day wasnt a good one. I am sorry you are having to go through this, the price we pay for having such amazing dogs is that we always have to say goodbye in the end. Hugs to you and Tessa.

MTWaggin said...

You are right on! See - told ya you'd figure it out. You have a kind generous heart and are listening to it. I've been there all too many times and it always has a different "feel" but you know it when it is there. You are truly as much of a blessing to your animals as they are to you!