Last night I lay in bed and pondered how I got to where I'm at. I was thinking about Ryder. He'd been sick and was showing signs of improvement. Because he'd been sick I had brought all the dogs into my room, to make it easier to monitor him and take him out if needed. (And boy, have we had a few sleepless nights!) I'm not sure if it was something he ate or a bug, but a trip into the vet and some meds have made a world of difference.
I was laying there thinking about what a nice fellow he is. And I was wondering why I'm not chomping at the bit to work him. He really is astoundingly easy to train. I was wondering why with FarmFair around the corner I'm not eagerly anticipating watching the dogs go. There was a point in time when I would have lived and died by these events. So what's changed? With Ryder, I know that I don't have the confidence to train him. I don't trust myself to make the right decisions. I don't trust myself to do the caliber of job he deserves. I get locked into paranoia over what the correct next step is in his training progression.
I lay there wondering what has caused this. I certainly wasn't always like this. I used to overflow with confidence and an unshakeable belief in my abilities. Take the horses for example. I used to happily hop on anything. Now, even though I know I have the ability to handle what they may toss my way I'm scared. Roxy- case in point. She didn't do anything I wasn't able to ride. Not once was I in danger of falling off. But I was terrified to get on her. It really doesn't make sense. I know I haven't been as confident after my accident. But that was over 10 years ago! I've rode lot's since then.
So the question of the day is - if you know your confidence has fled, how do you go about getting it back?