Time

It's time for Tessa to say goodbye.  Over the past couple of weeks she has gone downhill at a rapid rate.    Dad has been carrying her downstairs and outside.  She struggles with getting up.  Mom thinks she may have had a stroke because she doesn't seem to have very good function in her right hind.  Last week dad took her into the vet.  She was given a hefty pain killer and something that looks like an antibiotic.  I had university this weekend so I'll go see her tomorrow.  I also have university next Thursday-Saturday.  And I feel stressed about trying to carve the time out to do the right thing.  (This prof. is not one of those forgiving ones...)  Morally, I can't imagine sending her in to the vet without me.  It breaks my heart when I think of going on without her.

She's been such a special dog to me.  She brought light into my life at a time when the world was grey.  She's made me laugh.  She's made me cry.  She's cost me sick and twisted amounts of money.  She opened up a world of firsts.  And she held my hand while I sat through sometimes excruciating treatments.  She's made children who are trapped in "special" bodies smiles bright.  She has loved me (and my family) unconditionally.  She has loved anyone who has crossed her path unconditionally.  This dog knows how to give.

But she's sad now.  Spending all her time sleeping.  Hurting.

It's time.

Time for me to let her go.  Mom and I talked about cremating her so that when the spring comes and green grass with it, we can give Tessa a final resting place as special and beautiful as she is.

My heart hurts.