Dear readers, some readers may find this post offensive, in poor taste and immature. If this is you, please stop reading.
Growing up with three brothers has prepared me or toughened me in ways only someone with brothers can understand. Anyone with siblings can understand the various and creative ways a brother (or I suppose sister) can come up with to torment the other people within the family. Being the younger sister (I have two older and one younger brothers.) I was put through trial by fire. Literally.
Living in a testosterone flooded house often led to things that boys find hysterically funny that girls often just don't "get". One of these things was the joy of the fart. Why and how a noxious body smell can be hilarious I just haven't quite figured out. I will admit to having an unnamed girlfriend who suffers from "rotten butt" and has no shame around it (bless her heart). But for the most part, farts and girls just don't go together. The vast majority of women I know try to keep any body sounds and smells a dirty little secret. My brothers took great delight in doing things like pinning me to the ground and farting on me. Torturing me with stink. My childhood has long since passed but tonight I received a refresher.
While outside playing with the dogs I had noticed Reba's dish had been cleaned up. Blaming Joey, I re-fed Reba and put them up for the evening. It was not until I was cozily ensconced on my couch that a different culprit became clear. Or should I say smelled clear. Tessa, who has allergies, is on a different brand of dog food than the outside dogs. Tessa, who normally is only able to steal a bit here and there had a wicked cloud of stench following her.
At first it was only a slight nosy twitching scent. And then it became horrifyingly clear. Tessa had the toots! After a particularly virulent one I kicked her outside hoping a trip to the facilities would help clear the air. I genuinely thought it worked as there was a blessed nostril peace of air occurring.
Often during quiet times Tessa and I like to have a snuggle. There she was sitting happily on my lap when the unimaginable occurred. I felt a strange vibration on my belly. I thought it was a little odd but didn't know what caused it until the dead rodent smell wafted upwards.
Tessa farted on me!!
I'm still not over the trauma. Let's just say it'll be a long time coming before I let my dog sit on my lap again.