Ponderings

So Ponderings is back up and running...

http://andreaspondering.blogspot.ca/

Catch Up

As of Friday I went on Christmas break.  Over the past week I kept telling myself I just needed to make it to Friday.  After saying goodbye to Tessa I was tired.  Really, really tired.  Unfortunately the week following was a week of Christmas concert preparations and shopping.  (A special kind of hell on earth is Christmas shopping.)  One of the hardest things was telling the students about Tessa.  Rotten luck in them asking if I'd bring her (she did therapy work there last year) in.  Of course they ask the day after.  I need to start working with Ryder.  I see him making a wonderful therapy dog with more confidence and exposure.  The babies have been neglected.  It's been quite chilly here.  Big wind chills keep us trapped inside.

I've been feeding up the horses.  There really isn't much you can do other than give them free choice food.  They have shelter, bedding and water.  I did have them blanketed but pulled them off because unless the blanket is thick enough they do more harm than good.  (Pack down hair so the horses can't fluff up.)  Plus both need a size up for the blanket to truly fit properly.

Tomorrow I'll binge clean.  Makes me feel sooooo good to have a clean house.  This break I'll be working on my literature review for university.  I have a "date" with Ken. Pending weather.  We'll play with horses and work dogs.  I'm also dying to get some work done with Bugsy.  I'd love to see how she responds under saddle.  She's definitely quirky.  When you tie her up she gets a bit jittery.  Doesn't want to stand to be brushed.  I discovered she doesn't like the round rubber brush.  Sensitive?  She does better with the dandy brushes, even the rubber mitt.  I've noticed when she's loose she always wants to face up to me.  She's not comfortable with me by her side.  As soon as it warms up I'm going to try to untangle the crazy wind knots in her mane.  If I can't get them out I'm going to roach her mane.  She's looking better now that she's lost weight.  I'd love for the weather to cooperate so I can see "who" she is.  Sarge thinks she's going to turn out okay.  She's already shown improvement and I've spent a limited amount of time with her.  Today (while I froze my arse off) I scratched her neck.  She let out this shuddering sigh.  But - she's starting to trust me more.  :)

Hopefully the weather lets me get some quality horse time.  I've decided to choose a trick to teach the babies.  Realistically I should be working with Dee on obedience.  She knows her stuff - she just chooses what and when she wants to do.  I think if I can get her working more this will help.

This is plan A.  If the weather clears I'll get some pictures of the fur family.

Shopping And Assorted Sundry

I am a mildly freakish girl in the manner that I despise shopping.  I particularly despise shopping in commercial people filled malls.  Bleh!  That being said, I have a sick and twisted horse obsession and LOVE horse shopping.  This I could do every day.  Sarge and I went to the horse auction on Saturday. (I played partial hooky from school.)  There was a never ending amount of tack so I never stayed for the horses but there were some cute weanlings and yearlings going through.  Realistically - I know I don't have time.  I need to focus on getting Guinness launched into the world of purpose and work.  He's a monster.  He's currently in a size 72 blanket and has his bum hanging out.  He's also super spunky.  When I tossed him his hay yesterday he had to have a buck and fart.

Back to my shopping obsession...

So, on my wish list is a draft horse, mule, donkey.  All of which I have absolutely no purpose for...  but wouldn't that be fun??

Over Christmas break I'm going to take some stock lessons with the two dogs.  I'd also like to have an agility lesson to give us some stuff to work on in the evenings.  I'd also take some dog trick and game ideas to help pass the winter nights.

Other than that I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

Goodbye

Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye to old friends, yet that is what I did today.  Over the past three days I'd carved out time to sit with Tessa.  On Sunday, when I went out she was basically immobile.  She got up and walked once, going outside to go do her business.  When I called at lunch on Monday my dad was choked up not thinking she'd make it through the day.  After a long frustrating and stressful day at work, I pulled myself together and went to the farm to sit with her.  Upset about the five million other things I was neglecting, Sarge helped pull the guilt away, allowing me to find peace.

Mom had made her a pillow pallet and she was covered with a fleece blanket.  By this point in time she was unable to stand at all and hadn't ate or drank all day.  I sat with her.  Placing her bed in the vee of my legs and stroked and massaged her.  I had tentatively thought I'd bring her home with me, but when it came time to go to bed, mom and dad quickly carried her to their bedroom.  I realized then that this was as hard for them as it was for me.  So I left her with them.

I took today off work.  I did my chores, gave Diva and Ryder a quick play and went back out to the farm.  Gathering up Tessa I placed her on the couch, with her head on my lap.  We stayed like that for the bulk of the day.  I began to feel peace.  In the morning my vet had called me.  She was a bit upset and worried.  After I explained how quickly Tessa had lost function she felt better.  I knew that when she'd see Tessa she'd know, just as I knew.

It may seem strange but I feel relieved.  I think back to a young and carefree time where Tessa and I would go for great rambling rides through the field.  The wind in my hair, and her tail in the air.  This is how I remember her.  She was a good friend and beloved companion.

Rest in peace, Tessa.  You are loved.

Time

It's time for Tessa to say goodbye.  Over the past couple of weeks she has gone downhill at a rapid rate.    Dad has been carrying her downstairs and outside.  She struggles with getting up.  Mom thinks she may have had a stroke because she doesn't seem to have very good function in her right hind.  Last week dad took her into the vet.  She was given a hefty pain killer and something that looks like an antibiotic.  I had university this weekend so I'll go see her tomorrow.  I also have university next Thursday-Saturday.  And I feel stressed about trying to carve the time out to do the right thing.  (This prof. is not one of those forgiving ones...)  Morally, I can't imagine sending her in to the vet without me.  It breaks my heart when I think of going on without her.

She's been such a special dog to me.  She brought light into my life at a time when the world was grey.  She's made me laugh.  She's made me cry.  She's cost me sick and twisted amounts of money.  She opened up a world of firsts.  And she held my hand while I sat through sometimes excruciating treatments.  She's made children who are trapped in "special" bodies smiles bright.  She has loved me (and my family) unconditionally.  She has loved anyone who has crossed her path unconditionally.  This dog knows how to give.

But she's sad now.  Spending all her time sleeping.  Hurting.

It's time.

Time for me to let her go.  Mom and I talked about cremating her so that when the spring comes and green grass with it, we can give Tessa a final resting place as special and beautiful as she is.

My heart hurts.

Banishment

Last night I banished the babies.  I've been waking up in the morning pinned down by them.  Yesterday morning I tried to kick and roll but the two of them had the covers so tight I couldn't move.  I've been waking up tired and stiff.  So, after a conversation with Sarge, I put up a baby gate and banished them from my bedroom.  I moved their beds out of the room, and set up things so they had a variety of comfy spots to snooze in the hall, kitchen and dining room.  The living room I leave blocked off as I don't want them on my leather furniture unsupervised.

Locking them out, I climbed into my bed.  Where I tossed and turned, riddled with guilt.  The look on their faces when they couldn't come snuggle in their usual places.  Tossing and turning I listened to Ryder pace the hallway.  Both dogs eventually settled in and went to bed.  But I, I couldn't sleep.  It was as though my furry security blanket had been taken away.  I've gotten rather used to the comfort of having Ryder with me.  (Diva often sleeps in her crate - her choice.)  And normally Ryder sleeps in his spot on the bed and doesn't bug me while I sleep.  Eventually I got up and took a Robaxin, hoping it would have dual function: make me sleepy and make my arms less ouchy.

To be honest I think the dogs are reacting to how stressed I've been feeling.  They've suddenly felt the need to be close to me.  Pushing their little bodies against mine while I sleep.

I do think that it's probably better practice to keep them out of my room.  But I sure miss their snuggles in the morning!

Bates Australia Close Contact English Saddle - For Sale

Yes, to those enquiring minds.  I still plan to sell the saddle.  Mostly because using it would involve new horses.  Neither horse I currently own is particularly suited to going English.  I could use it for pleasure - however I really do love my cutting saddle and also enjoy riding in it.  It's comparable to an "English" feel.  So here's the saddle - in all it's glory.

It currently has a medium, medium narrow, and (2 ??) narrow gullets.  As best as I can measure it seems to have a standard/medium tree.  The tack store sticker said 17.5" seat but the sticker on the saddle says 17 - take that as you may.

I'm asking $1400 CND.  (This saddle retailed around $2000.)