Hope

To be honest with you, I had for a while, lost hope.  It had dropped out of me, much like your stomach does on a wild roller coaster ride.  Vanished into the clear blue sky.  That hope is funny though.  It's a sneaky thing.  It creeps in when you least expect it.  Flitting through corners.  Eventually filling all air space.

Today, I let myself breathe.  Let myself believe.  And hope blossomed.

You see, yesterday for the first time since Whiskey came home I watched her break into a lope.  She ducked and snaked her head, lifting her hind feet off the ground in a fun filled romp with her foal.

Today I cried when I watched her trot up the fence line.  Her eyes were bright and her stride, while short, was free.  And I breathed in.  I breathed in her horsey sweet smell and giggled at her babies' antics.  It was at that moment that my heart bloomed with hope.

What I hadn't been saying was that when I had the vet out a couple of weeks ago I was prepared to "do the right thing" and put Whiskey down come the weaning of her foal.  My heart broken I was horrified over her quality of life.  She was in obvious pain.

Today was day 3 of shoes and pads on her front feet.  It has made a clear difference.  She moves better and with more spirit.  It is working.  I was so scared to believe.  Scared my hopes would be dashed.

Now, I wonder about her.  I wonder if I can ride her again.  Just for fun.  She'll never be sound enough to compete on.  I'm hoping that the vet will clear her fun general riding.  As long as it doesn't cause her pain I'm game to rejoin my old partner in some fun jaunts.

Mid-Horse Crisis

While many have midlife crisis I am having a midhorse crisis.  For the life of me, I can't decide what I want to do.  There's a paint gelding I'm going to go look at.  He'd mature into a horse I could jump, or rope off of.  He will be a big boy in the 16hh range.  There's an AQHA mare I'm going to go look at.  She's cow bred with a mom who has NCHA earnings.  She has 90 days with a cutting trainer.  She'll mature around 14.2hh.  She's a horse I could trail ride, or do reining or working cow horse type stuff on.  And then, there's my history with Arabians.  I miss my Arabians.  I am thinking I wouldn't mind having an Arab kicking around the place.  Not entirely sure if I want to show but am missing that old life.

And then there's Whiskey.  When she came home to me she was lame on 3 out of 4 legs.  I babied her through the winter.  Let her foal and gave her recovery time.  She's still lame.  So I had the vet out.  Severely bruised soles and coffin bones.  So I had the farrier out.  I have to own the only pasture brood mare with shoes and pads.  The hope is the pads will protect her feet enough to let the bruising heal.  If this doesn't work we'll do x-rays.  I do think it's helping.  She's already moving better.  I'll continue to have massage therapy done on her when the therapist is in the area.

The thought has entered my head that if I can get her sound enough on her front end, I may toss a saddle on her and see what she does.  She's been a pasture ornament for years so it may be interesting.  My ultimate goal with her is to breed her next year for one last foal.  (Pending soundness.)  This would be her replacement.  I'm thinking I'd either breed to a Thoroughbred for a sport horse prospect or to an Arabian.  My concern with breeding to the Arabian is that she is a big solid mare and I'm not sure how that would cross out.  The Arab cross would hopefully be an all around horse.  Only time will tell how this turns out.

Dogs vs Horses: The Great Debate

I have been having intense cravings for horse time.  I neurotically comb through the classified on the hunt for the "perfect" horse.  There is a breeder of paint horses about 3 hours from me.  I love their horses.  They have a born broke personality.  There is also a nice started cutting bred mare 45 minutes from me...  They are the SAME price.

I keep telling myself that now is not the time to buy a horse.

Do I have time?  Will I be able to ride consistently?  Honey tells me horses cost money...  I worry about doing justice to the dogs.  Can I do both?

I'm not going to lie.  I'm about 99% sure that I'm going horse shopping when I get back from my vacation...

Time

You would think the fact that its summer and I'm not technically working that I'd have all kinds of time on my hands.  I've come to the conclusion that I'm a "fill the gap" person.  Empty road in front of me?  Fill the gap - find the nearest car.  No more grad school?  Fill the gap - create new projects to take your time.  

This summer started off with a bang.  I registered for unlimited Moksha classes.  I love this style of yoga.  After herniating a disc in my back last year and being banished from running (or anything fun it seems) I've begun the attempt to drop the 30lbs I gained and get my flexibility and fitness back.  While I have been discouraged from running, Moksha is a great whole body exercise that will help me regain my flexibility.  

I also registered both dogs in an agility class.  Ryder in the advanced.  Diva in the beginner.  Ryder is an agility fool and loves it.  Diva has good naturally trotted through the classes and happily done the exercises.  Because Ryder loves agility more than sheep and Diva loves sheep more than agility I've been trying to find balance.  I've been driving out to the farm -not nearly as much as I should- and working the dogs on sheep.  Ryder pretty much could enter a trial now.  Diva we are working on getting commands consistent.  Diva is gaining confidence on her drive and is progressing further away from me.  

I also had a bit of a break down regarding horses.  A very, very, very large part of me did not want to sell the baby.  Oh boy, was that hard!  I've been really twitchy and edgy.  Wanting to ride.  Wanting a horse to ride.  A major internal debate over time, horses and dogs has been waging war inside of me.  A compromise: I've registered for Jumping lessons at a local stable.  It was fun going out and getting my English gear again.  Nothing like breeches and big black boots to make a girl feel special.

But then I went to the doctor.  You know what they say about best laid plans??


In JUNE I had tweaked my ankle while out chasing down a child when on supervision.  I worked through JUNE on a grossly swollen ankle.  The swelling spilling over the edge of my runner.  After 3-4 weeks I went to the Medi-center.  The doctor ordered x-rays, but didn't look at my ankle!  The diagnosis - no break just a sprain.  I started wrapping my ankle.  I finished off work.  The second week of JULY my regular doctor returned from his annual charity doctor work overseas.  I went in.  I do not have a sprain!!  Nope, not me.  I have a broken ankle capsule.  It should have been CASTED. However, as at this point I've been walking on it for seven weeks, I was told no exercise, no walking, keep it wrapped and do not do anything to aggravate it.  Do you see how this may impact my plans??
For ten days I'm to baby my ankle.  I'm to do contrast baths.  I'm to sit on the couch with it elevated.

I'm not going to lie.  A major melt down was had.  My poor darling was baffled with my uncommon behaviour.  He kept rubbing my shoulders and asking me what was wrong as I freaked out.

I'm not going to lie.  I still am walking the dogs.  Not everyday and for shorter, but seriously?  How can I not?  I still went to my final agility class of the session.  I did cancel my riding lessons for the month of July.  I have stopped going to my beloved yoga.  I am trying not to pace inside of my house like a caged tiger.

A Blogging She Shall Go

This lovely filly is still not named.  I sold her yesterday.  To a teenaged girl.  (I think teenage girls make the BEST horse owners.)  I have had so many thoughts and stories swirling around in my brain that I can't think straight.  Horse and dogs, dogs and horses.  Horses, dogs, men, children and time.  

I've decided that NOW is the perfect time to get back on the Blog trail.