Disappointment

Today was a nerve wracking day.  For a couple of years now I've been working up the courage to make an appointment with an eye surgeon.  It's scary when you think of giving people control over your most valued body part.  Eyes are irreplaceable.  If there's a mistake made, it's not one that's easily corrected.  Today was the day I had a consultation with the eye surgeon.

Being me, I had done some research prior, carefully selected my doctor and made the appointment.  I needed to line up a driver because afterwards I wouldn't be allowed to drive.  Mom gamely stepped up to the plate.  The first tests they did on my eyes were standard, ones I was familiar with from my twenty odd years of experience with optometrists.  The one that proved to be my Waterloo was a cornea scan.  When the computer scan didn't give my tech the results she wanted, she put freezing drops into my eyes (yep, you read that correctly) and did a manual test.

The end result is that my eye's corneas are too thin to be viable for the corrective surgery.  Because of this they didn't conduct any more tests and sent me on my merry way.  And there, in that moment, my dreams of living free of glasses shattered and crashed.  The irony here is there is a very good chance that the chemotherapy that saved me in so many ways, and has destroyed bits and pieces of me in others, did a job on my eyes.  I knew that my eyesight changed once I had the chemo.  I knew my body changed after the chemo.  What I didn't know was the chemo will also increase my chances of getting cataracts.  Things to look forward to...

It was a horribly disappointing day, one that I'm desperately trying to look for the silver lining in.  I suppose life goes on, and this is what it is.  Now where's plan B??