New Year

Normally I don't worry too much about New Years.  My new year always starts in September with a fresh crop of little faces.  This year will be different.  With Sarge making the break at a break I've had some thinking to do.  So this year I will have some new "resolutions".

1. Exercise: While sad, the only way that I know how to heal my bruised self-concept is to exercise.  It's one way I've had in the past in dealing with issues and it will be my crutch for the future.  I'm planning on entering the 10k Melissa's Road Race.  The registration for the race is usually in February and it will give me something to focus on.  I'd love to train for a marathon but just don't have time until I'm done University.  I'd also like to either join a recreational sport league or take some classes.  Time becomes a factor because I get resentful when I'm away from my dogs too much.  I also took my measurements and I'll weigh myself at the farm when I go that way today.  This way I'll have some data to compare.
2. 365 Day Challenge:  Last year my friend told me about this challenge where you take one picture every day for a year.  This year I think I'd like to try it.   I'll start a separate blog for it.  Again, it gives me something to focus on and think about.  
3. Dogs: My doggy goal this year is to get both Diva and Ryder "finished" on stock.  As in, we can go to competitions finished.  Not much will happen in the winter because we have too much snow in the fields and I'll be dependent on driving them places to work them on stock.  I also plan to continue on with doing some basic training - obedience or trick - each night.  I think it'll be good for all of us.  
4. Horses:  Guinness needs to get started.  Based on how sassy he is in the field I'm predicting that he won't be the easiest guy to get going under saddle.  Let's hope I'm wrong.  I don't know what I'll do with Bugsy yet.  If I don't "click" with her in the summer I'll re-home her.  I've already put some thought into who I'd give her to.
5. Family and Friends:  I'll admit I'm something of a hermit.  I don't really feel the need to socialize all that much and I'm quite awkward in social settings.  That being said I'm going to make an effort this year to stay connected with friends and to spend more time with family.  Not just my parents "family" but my brothers and their children as well.  This year I maybe saw my  brothers 3-4 times.  Their children basically don't know me.  I need to make more of an effort to connect with them and to spend time with them.  I need to make an effort to call friends and to do things with them.  
6. University:  I will finish my research by June and write my capstone paper in July and August.  I am desperate to be done with this!  This working full time and going to school part time is very stressful.
7. Religion:  I feel the need to reconnect.  I plan to start going to church again.  I was raised in a very religious home, but have lost touch with my faith while remaining very spiritual.

I will work on these things this year.

Am I Hard To Shop For?

Sarge has been complaining he needs some guidance as to my Christmas Wish List...  Now, I've tried to tell him I'm really easy when it comes to stuff.  I'm pretty happy with stuff for the house...

For Sarge - here's my "wish" list:

In no particular order...

• Kitchen Aid Hand Mixer
• Blender 
• Food Processor
• Lead rope/s with bull snap on it.  (Like the kind on Bugsy's rope.)
• Rope Halter & lead
• Horned rope dummy
• Dog toys
• Dog beds
• Size medium Sports Medicine Boots - front and back (horse)
• Running - sport tech- clothes - size large - pretty much anything from Running Room...
• Leather winter glove/mittens - size 8 or large
• plants - indoors
• bird house/s
• Jewelry - although I don't wear it very often...
• hoodies - size large
• Knives - Henckels (with the two men in the picture) or Paderno
• glass measuring cups 1 and 2 cup
• mugs - beer and coffee
• wine glasses
• Bernie Brown - Pile of Pups, The Crossing
• Carl Brenders art
• Spa packages - anywhere except Spasation - love pedicures, manicures, facials, etc.
• Picture books that I can use at work.
• cutting boards

Now, I hope that helps... ;)

Smile

Not sure who owns this - pulled it off Facebook - but thought it was super cute!  True, t'boot.

No Phone

I have embarked on a new adventure.  One of a different kind.  One that I'm contemplating creating a new blog just to chronicle.  You see, I am somewhat (somewhat of an understatement) of a hermit.  I'm pretty happy with my life and tend to putter through life.  Every once in a while I'll stop, think and say "Holy crap!  It's been a while since I've been on a date."  Time is flying past and I thought that I should maybe, just maybe do something about this.  The only problem being my options are limited.  I work with children in a female dominated field.  For my hobbies I enjoy spending time with happily (thank goodness) married men.  (Whose wives I think are amazing...)  I don't go to bars, and even if I did I don't have anyone to go with.  My friends are composed of married peoples - many with children.  So what's a girl to do?

Well, I broke out my handy dandy MacBook and began testing the waters.  Literally.  I have begun swimming in the pool of online dating.  I won't lie.  This is does provide me with feelings of alarm.  It also has provided myself and my friends some serious entertainment.

Case in point.

Years ago, I dated a lovely steer wrestler.  He was a professional cowboy and as such slightly flaky.  We had dated for close to 6 months when suddenly I never heard from him again.  He literally disappeared from my life.  We still lived in the same community but he never called me again.  At this point in time I coined the phrase "The No Phone Call Dump".  This is where rather than say, "Gee, I'm just not that into you anymore"  they cease all forms of communication.  No phone calls, texts or calls returned.

Flash forward to this week.

Last Saturday I had my first "real" meet of a "virtual" meet.  We spent a couple hours chatting, seemed to have some stuff in common.  That night I sent him a text, thanking him.  His response was it would be up to me whether we would continue to get to know each other.  I responded that I'd like that.  And from that point on the dome of silence was lowered.  Seriously?  WTF?  I have no issues with saying, "Thanks, but no thanks."  I really do expect the same courtesy.  A friend had suggested that perhaps I wasn't clear in expressing my interest.  Another text sent.  And the ringing of silence returned.  So me being me, I tossed this one into the garbage.

But I really don't get it.

And this my friends was one of my more tame "normal" experiences with my new adventure.  The saga continues...

I Didn't Need That Anyway

It's all the dogs fault...  There I was rushing around like a chicken with it's head cut off  (Seriously, google that.)  I had just arrived home from class - flush after a big presentation.  I had one bull stick left.  Two dogs.  I did what any sane individual would.  I grabbed my Henkle and began sawing away.  That bull stick was tough and resisted my best efforts.   Persevering I kept sawing away.  And then it happened.

With no warning the bull stick bucked the knife off, slamming it into my unsuspecting finger.  Eyes bulging with horror I stared down.  Rushing into the bathroom I start running the cold water over it.  YeeeOuch!  That smarted so I changed my mind.  I grab some Kleenex and wrap it.  Holding it tightly to try and slow the bleeding.  Until it looked like I was going to redecorate the floor...  Calling my mom I ask if she'd mind swinging by with some bandages and gauze.  With her help I get the finger wrapped tightly.

Should I have gone to the doctor?  Nah.  I'm pretty sure I didn't need stitches...  but it is going to leave a hunk missing.  Poor finger... I really didn't need that part anyway...

Recharging

I've had a rough last couple of weeks.  On the 10th, while at work I found out that one of the teachers I used to team teach with had lost her battle with cancer and it was her funeral.  I knew she was sick, I just didn't realize she was death bed sick.  On the 13th a friend's baby was admitted through emergency to the hospital.  (Ended up being diagnosed with two holes in her heart.)  On the 14th was the funeral of the next door neighbor (childhood) who had died of cancer.  And on the 16th I found out another person I used to work with had also died of cancer.  It was too much.

I slogged through the day, only to stop by my Principal's office at the end of the day to touch base with her.  It was there that when I tried to express how I was struggling, I cried.  Poor Deb.  She sat there patting my back.  She offered to give me the following day off.  I went home, crawled into bed and snuggled with my dogs.  After a nap, I loaded my very patient pups and drove to the grazing reserve.  It was there that I walked.  I watched the dogs race so joyously across the fields, splashing in the water, zooming and zipping.  Hearing the birds, the panting of the dogs, I could feel the stress and sorrow drain from my body.  I thought about these people who were gone and said my goodbyes.

On the drive home with my soggy, stinky dogs, I knew I would be okay.  That I would shake this off.

There is something about reconnecting with nature that recharges my batteries.

Mantracker

Up here, we have a TV show called Mantracker.  The premise of the show is of a mounted "tracker" finding two prey.  The only guide he has is a flare signal at the start of the race.  The prey then need to race to an undisclosed finish line.  I freak'n love this show!  It's fun and I'll admit that I have a bit of a crush on "Mantracker".

Here's a link to the website:  http://www.mantracker.ca/indexb.html

If you enjoy horses and nature you just might enjoy this show.  I know it's a Canadian show and am not sure about the US viewing of it...

Roomba Makes Me Happy

I have a Roomba.  For those of you poor schmucks who have not heard of a Roomba it's a robot vacuum.  Yes!  Robot!!!  Every morning when I leave for work I pick up the dog toys, click the green button and walk out the door.  When I come home it's like magic - my floor is vacuumed.  This makes me happy.  When one has dogs that shed in one's house, one needs to do an inordinate amount of cleaning which takes away from fun stuff.  Then all I need to do is to pick the hair balls out of the brush and empty the collector.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

I alternate between the kitchen area and the living room area during the day.  In the evening I move it into my bedroom and turn it loose there.  While I still need to do a proper clean it significantly cuts down on hair balls and floor dust.

FYI - Mine came from Costco and is a Pet Series Roomba.

Reflection

I've started my graduate classes.  So far I'm loving them.  The classes encourage reflection.  What is leadership?  Can a leader be popular?  What qualities do you value in a leader?  What qualities do you have that you think would make you a good leader?

Tonight we discussed who we are as human beings.   It was a deep and intense conversation.  Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a person.  Over the last five years I've been on a journey that has allowed me to become centered and in touch.  I like to think I know myself well.  I know my good qualities and recognize and work on the less desirable ones.  I know this from a professional, as well as personal perspective.  I work hard at seeing multiple points of view, even when I don't agree with them.

I've been thinking about direction.  How at times the direction my life takes in part defines who I am.  There are times over the last few weeks I've felt as though my identity is shifting.  Is how I perceive myself the same as the perception of the world?  Last week my principal (in effect my boss) told me I'm a force to be reckoned with.  This has bothered me.  I'm not entirely sure I want to be a force.  It certainly doesn't mesh with how I view myself in a professional or personal capacity.  Is this a positive or a negative?  It's made me think.

I've been thinking about the horses.  It's still surreal to me that Whiskey is no longer mine.  And Bacardi is.  I had had Bacardi listed and fielded a number of emails and calls.  I've even had people booked to come view her.  Unexpectedly something would happen and the person would no longer be coming.  It's become something of a pattern.  So I've decided to send the paperwork in the AQHA to transfer her into my name.  This is not the most comfortable decision for me.  I'm left feeling as though there's a gaping void in my life.  How I can I have a horse with no purpose?  I have no purpose for her.  I don't even know what to do with her.  She won't make a cutter which is where my heart lies.  I suppose I could rope off of her but that entails work, purchasing a rope saddle and time that I'm currently lacking.  Working cow horse?  Not my favorite thing to do but I could hypothetically put the training in her so that she'd make a passable working cow horse.  Put her in my close contact and start popping her over fences?  I don't know what I want to do.  I feel lost.  A boat with no rudder bobbing on a lake.  An English speaker in France.  You get the picture.  I wonder how not having an equine goal impacts who I am.  Or does it?  Does it make horses any less part of who I am?  Do I even know how to enjoy just riding?  Can I just ride?  Or will I self combust without a focal point?

An Award???

d
Sherry at MTWaggin sent this award my way.  And what an honor it is!  Alas, there are rules to this award.


1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. Link back to the blogger who gave the award (see above).
3. Pick five favorite blogs with less than 200 followers, and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have received the award.
4. Hope that the five blogs chosen will keep spreading the love and pass it on to 
five more blogs.


Here are my top 5 picks:
1)  Liz at In Omnia Paratus   She's someone who's writing I enjoy.  She has a zest for life that comes through her posts.  Plus, she's a fellow dog and horse lover.  And we all know how cool dog and horse people are.  She's one of those cyber friends that I think would be someone who'd be interesting to meet in real life.  Her life is similar yet different than mine and that makes her interesting.  


2)  Chelsi at Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind (who just barely meets this criteria).  She's a great writer - funny with a definite voice.  A fellow Canadian with a shared love of horses. 


3)  Chloe at the wild horse project  What I like about Chloe is that she's a horsey person with a completely different background and perspective than mine.  It fascinates me how she has the ability to take a wild horse and turn it into a wonderful productive member of equine society.  Plus - it totally makes me think of The Man From Snowy River!       


4)  Bobbie No Socks - this blog only seems to run in the winter.  However, I love the different perspective and catching a glimpse into the eastern side of the continent.


5) And my fifth vote would go to MTWaggin - love the outstanding pictures, the kind ear and advice, and I really, really love her dogs!!!  Another one of those people that I think is a kindred spirit who's love of life shines through.


I don't follow too many blogs, and many of those have large readerships.  So pop on over and check out one of these blogs.   

Sick

I have had the most unpleasant illness ever.  The friendly neighborhood flu decided to visit.  It started Wednesday.  I was feeling slightly queasy but shook it off and went to work.  It was extremely cold here that day and the buses weren't running but I was still expected to show up.  It was in my classroom with the 8 students who braved it to come to school that I realized I wasn't really queasy.  I was full fledged nauseous.  I made it to lunch at which point my coworkers booted me out of the school.  They took my kids and sent me home.  I spent the remainder of the day praying to the porcelain gods, laying on the couch or sleeping in my bed.  I ate nothing and could handle little fluid going down.

Thursday I remained home.  Repeating the process.  By late afternoon I thought I might be improving.  I made some of my favorite "safe" food: noodles, chicken in a mug and soda crackers.  While cramping and uncomfortable everything stayed put.  With a sigh of relief I drove into town.  It was the first night of my graduate class.  While uncomfortable and tired I was no longer leaking fluid from my orifices.  This I could deal with.  I made the decision to attempt work in the morning.

Normally, I'm up at 6:30 and gone by 7:30.  I like to get up, check my email, let the dogs out and then if I'm showering go do that (I often shower at night.).  As I get things ready in the bathroom my stomach lets out some ominous sounds.  Ryder runs away.  And from that point things went south.  Fast.  With no choice I call my principal to let her know I'm coming but shouldn't be, and begin the jaunt to work.  I made it half a day before the kindergarten teacher came to sub in my class for the afternoon.  Once home I spent inordinate amounts of time in the washroom.  Friday night also brings class for me.  Mustering every last ounce of energy I drive in.  And I spend the most uncomfortable distracted night at class.  While I realize I wanted to loose weight - this not eating for three days certainly wasn't part of the plan.

Now imagine being trapped in the house with two Border Collies who have had very little exercise of stimulation for the week due to extreme cold and then extreme sick.  Not good.  While lying on the couch I'd listlessly toss the ball for the dogs.  While in bed I had to deal with these little fur brats who brought all the toys up and dropped them beside my body.  Then they'd run their snout along me to ensure I knew.  However, given the fact that they're young dogs (dad has Tessa this week) they were surprisingly good.  Diva especially came around.  She took to curling her body up by mine and sleeping with me.  Ryder who hasn't slept with me in ages took to sitting sentinel on the bed looking out the window.  And I know.  I know I shouldn't let them on the bed.  For a wide variety of reasons.  But when your guts are trying to claw their way out of your body - you just don't care.  When you can't keep anything in your system - this seems like a small thing.  And let me tell you - when I was radiating cold - I certainly appreciated the extra body heat.

I'm supposed to be in class today but talked to the professor.  If my noodle concoction stays put this morning I'll drive in for the afternoon class.

Lofty Goals

While tardy, I have been contemplating my personal goals for this coming year.  I may not say them, but I always have them.  This is something that's been weighing heavy *no pun intended* on my mind.  I really, really want to get myself back into shape.  This is something that really bugs me and upsets my mojo.

What I know is that when I'm active I feel better.  I'm happier.  I have more energy.  And everything else in the world around me seems to fall into place.  The world just seems better.

So here it is, my one big goal.  Get back into shape.

(Oh, don't worry I realize I won't ever be in the pre-chemo shape.  My body has undergone too many changes.)

Raise your glass to the treadmill, bosu ball, weights, yoga, and dogs & horses (my personal trainers)!

Have You Heard Of This?

Here in Canada is a show called Dragon's Den.  It's my understanding that it's similar to the US show Shark Tank.  Anyhow, it's a show I rather enjoy.  This group was on the show: Holy Crap.  Interesting name, I know.  It is an apropos name.  Ehm, my friend had introduced me to the cereal Holy Crap, and I have recently discovered Skinny B.  I've been putting the Skinny B into my morning breakfast shake.  It's healthy, a bit on the gritty side (full of seeds), and keeps my tummy happy.  Check it out.

Hey, if the name doesn't make you curious - what will?  :)

Chaos

Well, I'm officially in the new digs.  Dad and I put up the chain link panels creating a dog run attached to the garage. (Heated!!!)  Next step is to get a dog door installed so they can go out and potty at will while I'm away at work.  My bed is in the living room.  Yup, but as I have no other furniture in there right now, that's okay.  My kitchen is filled with boxes.  My garage is filled with boxes.  Whiskey is hanging in her new field.  Unhappily I think.  She was much more unsettled than I expected her to be.  Wasn't eating very much, but seems better now.

The dogs are also rather unsettled.  Tessa was extremely worried, so I gave her an extra Clomicalm and took her to work with me today.  Diva and Tessa are starting to war.  This is new.  I'm doing a lot of maintenance with them right now.  As soon as things settle down I plan to give everyone individual training time.  Ryder is awesome.  He settles in and lays down, watching what's going on.  He's my faithful shadow.  While Diva is super-snooper.  It's been fun keeping her out of trouble.

When it's not blizarding I'll get some pictures up of the mess.  I have no plans to tackle any of the mess until my report cards are done and my final paper for my class is handed in.  I must admit, very excited to get my Internet hooked up today...

Lest We Forget

Today is Remembrance Day here.  Today is the day we take a moment to think about and remember those soldiers who have fallen.  For some it's just a day off work.  For me, it's a day that tugs at the heart strings.  It's a day that can strike a little too close to home.  I have friends, and extended family that are either active military or former military.  These are people who have served my country.  They have gone to strife filled countries to try and stabilize them so they too could enjoy some of the rights and freedoms I take for granted here.  These brave men and women will ensure I'll continue to enjoy the life I lead.  They are the people who have stepped up and are willing to go forth for my country.  For that reason they'll forever have my undying respect and appreciation.

When I was in France I walked the trenches of Vimy Ridge, now a serene pock marked park.  Let's not forget the sacrifices our soldiers have made.  Let's not forget that there are families who are short brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers.

Lest We Forget....

Congo Connection

Here's a very good informative video about Congo, Coltan, and the reality of that world.  This was made in 2009.  This is still an issue today.

Thinking Through a Different View Finder

This post is not appropriate for children to read.

The last two days have been spent at a conference in Edmonton.  I will openly admit to being very, very cranky over the thought of loosing my weekend to spend it sitting in the city.  I had an immediate attitude adjustment when Dr. Samantha Nutt walked up to the podium.  She's 41.  She's also the lady who started War Child.  This woman has spent the bulk of her adult years in places where Canadian civilians are not supposed to go.  I sat there with tears welling up in my eyes as she told story after story of things so horrific I can't even imagine them.

Imagine being the mother with no education, can't even print her name, standing in line for medical services with a dead infant in her arms, waiting for someone to help her.  Imagine being the 12 year old girl repeated raped by boys from her village.  When she tries to run away the soles of her feet are cut off.  Imagine a place where you can purchase an automatic gun for $20 but people are dying of starvation.  Imagine a place where this little mineral called Coltan fuels wars.  Did you know that you and I use Coltan every day?  We do.  We are the buyers of the mineral that causes turmoil.  Not the people who live in the regions where it's mined.  We are the purchasers who fuel the demand.  I plan to contact the companies whose products I buy and ask them where the Coltan that they use comes from.  As the consumer we have the power to create change and demand fair trade, demand accountability.

Education IS power.

Look at what Craig Kielburger has accomplished.  He began his journey when he was 12.  Did you know that here, in Canada, arguably one of the wealthiest and most powerful countries in the world, over 60% of our aboriginal children who grow up on reserves will NOT finish high school?

I have been forced to view my world through a different lens.  I can't say it's not my problem.  I can't say that it's across the world so why should I care.  It's becoming abundantly clear that we truly live in a global world.

Happy

A few weeks ago, as I was driving home from Ken's it occurred to me that I'm happy.  I'm bone deep content and happy with my life.  Oh, I still grumble about little things but when I sit down and think about it I am truly filled with joy.  It was a moment of clarity on a Saturday night.

In the past, on a Saturday night I would have felt itchy.  Like I was missing out if I wasn't out and about.  Seeing and being seen.  There I was driving down the freeway, trailer full of sheep, two dogs sleeping in the backseat and Ryder riding shotgun, when I was passed by vehicle after vehicle all speeding into the bright lights of the city.  You could see many of the occupants were ready to party.  And in the past I may have stepped on the gas for a little drive-by flirting.  This time, I reached over and ran my fingers through Ryder's plush fur, feeling peaceful as he leaned his head and neck into my hand.

I wondered why I wasn't feeling like I was missing out, letting everyone pass me by, turning away from the bright city lights into the starlit country night.  I've thought about that night a lot over the last few weeks.  I've thought about it while I've rode my horse.  That feeling of perfect symmetry seeping into my bones while she gathers her muscular body into a perfect stop.  I've thought about it while I ran down the road - dogs panting happily at my side while sweat trickled down my cheek.  I've thought about while I sat and watched the Bobby Ingersol clinic where in the past I would have wanted to be noticed.  Dying for the cute cowboy to notice me, pick me.  But this time I was happy visiting with an older couple, absorbing the knowledge of the people around me, and belly laughing tears with new friends.

It sank in when my dearest friend was pestering me to get out more, meet some new people *cough male people cough* as I half hearted argued with her.  Out of my mouth came the words, but I'm happy right now.  I don't want to go to town to meet people.  If I have to choose between messing with the dogs and going on a date, I choose the dogs.

There was a time not so long ago that this thought would have been foreign to me.  I would have been horrified to want to stay home.  And I do go out and do things, I just don't go out and do things that will result in a beau.  Simply put, because I'm so happy I just don't care.

And isn't that the greatest space to be in??

Down Time

It's been quiet here.  Reba, has sprained her groin and is on "keep her quiet" time.  I took her to see a chiropractor to get adjusted.  I really think it helped her.  She goes for a second treatment next week prior to going to her new home.  Blain (her new owner) and I have been exchanging texts.  I feel good about him as an owner.  I think the two of them will have fun together.

The mosquitoes have been particularly bad in the evenings so I've been hiding out in the house.  I've pretty much decided I'm allergic to bug spray and really avoid using it when possible.  Because my allergies have been so bad this summer I went into both my medical doctor and my optometrist and have a raft of new meds (and a referral to a specialist) to try.  You should have seen the look on my face when the optometrist asked if anyone had ever told me I slept with one eye open.  Apparently my eyes have ugly dry patches that he thinks could be caused by my eyelids not closing properly when sleeping.  Who knew?!?!

I love to read and have been enjoying my down time with the dogs sprawled out around me while I enjoy a book.  Normally, I prefer nonfiction and feel good happy ending type books, however the other night at the Bookmobile (library in a bus that services rural areas), I drifted over to the good read section.  There I selected a couple of "literary" type reads.  You know the type that Oprah would recommend.  The book I finished last night is a National Book Award Winner and it was awful.  The only reason I read the entire thing was I kept waiting for the plot to become clear.  The story line was muddied, and in places repetitive.  It stank.  The book could have been turned into a short story because there was only plot in the last few chapters.  The rest of the novel was strange meanderings where you had to reread and check back to figure out which character's thoughts you were now following as they didn't have distinct voice.  I must admit I've read romance novels with better writing than this novel.  In fact, I've read textbooks that were easier to follow....

Needless to say I really don't recommend the novel "Lord of Misrule" by Jaimy Gordon.  And here I thought a novel about horses would be right up my alley.  Ye Gads.  Live and learn.  Live and learn.

Today I'm going to do some sheep work with the babies, resume operation "halter Guinness", and with a little luck get a lesson from Jason.

Disappointment

Today was a nerve wracking day.  For a couple of years now I've been working up the courage to make an appointment with an eye surgeon.  It's scary when you think of giving people control over your most valued body part.  Eyes are irreplaceable.  If there's a mistake made, it's not one that's easily corrected.  Today was the day I had a consultation with the eye surgeon.

Being me, I had done some research prior, carefully selected my doctor and made the appointment.  I needed to line up a driver because afterwards I wouldn't be allowed to drive.  Mom gamely stepped up to the plate.  The first tests they did on my eyes were standard, ones I was familiar with from my twenty odd years of experience with optometrists.  The one that proved to be my Waterloo was a cornea scan.  When the computer scan didn't give my tech the results she wanted, she put freezing drops into my eyes (yep, you read that correctly) and did a manual test.

The end result is that my eye's corneas are too thin to be viable for the corrective surgery.  Because of this they didn't conduct any more tests and sent me on my merry way.  And there, in that moment, my dreams of living free of glasses shattered and crashed.  The irony here is there is a very good chance that the chemotherapy that saved me in so many ways, and has destroyed bits and pieces of me in others, did a job on my eyes.  I knew that my eyesight changed once I had the chemo.  I knew my body changed after the chemo.  What I didn't know was the chemo will also increase my chances of getting cataracts.  Things to look forward to...

It was a horribly disappointing day, one that I'm desperately trying to look for the silver lining in.  I suppose life goes on, and this is what it is.  Now where's plan B??