Tessa

One of my friends passed on some advice she had once received. She said "We give them a life with dignity, and the least we can do is a death with dignity." This struck a chord with me and gave me some peace. Last Thursday was an awful day - start to finish. I don't have the words to explain the look on my dog's face. The best I can do is it was like a fearful dog as a thunderstorm moves in to the area. Spooked, irrational and wild.

While the days that followed gave me a somewhat normal Tess, I am still haunted by the crazy Tess. Thursday caused me to fully and completely melt down. It was the moment where I understood that we were at the beginning of a downhill run. And I'm not ready for it. But I can't stop the inevitable. And that hurts my soul. If I were honest, I could tell you when she started peeing I knew in my heart that it wasn't good. But I was a bit delusional and quite convinced that I could fight this. There are so many options available that this really wasn't a big deal.

It appears I was wrong.

On Saturday, not feeling well, I curled up in my bed with Tessa securely nestled into the nook of my body. She felt shockingly fragile and I knew. I knew that today wasn't the right time for her to leave me, but that time was coming soon. I decided when her bad days out number her good days that I would do what is right and fair for her. I won't make her suffer confusion and upset because I'm too weak to let her go.

She has been my loyal friend, companion and worker through good times and bad. The least I can do is be her loyal friend, companion and worker through her good times and bad.